ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
