Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
