BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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