mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
