so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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