drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
