I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
