He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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