you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
