I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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