I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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