On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
