do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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