Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
