i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
