Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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