Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize