How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
