ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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