remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
