I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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