oh god the rape fog is back!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
