eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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