i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
