Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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