yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize