Yo dont text me then not text me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
