I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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