Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
