Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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