a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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