so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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