and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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