I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
