Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
