im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
