Don't make out with my wife yet
oh god the rape fog is back!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
