You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
