Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
