im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
