dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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