Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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