I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
