WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
