I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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