very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize