You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
