I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
