Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
