I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
