Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
