come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
