if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
