I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
