I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
