it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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