I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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