I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
