I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Boobs speak an international language.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
