On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
