You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
