you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
