just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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