so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
