If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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