I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
