New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
