She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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